Sink or swim

The past couple of years, my kids- whole family really, got a crash course in “sink or swim” in life! I feel like I was the one sinking usually! And worrying about everyone else, especially the kids, sinking as well. Time and time again, friends, family, teachers, neighbors, and strangers told me that my kids were doing really well! They were happy, well adjusted, doing well in school, and getting along with others. I was absent for much of their development and the daily grind during this time period. It began with a very difficult pregnancy, where I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (same thing as Princess Kate) and migraines so severe, I was treated in the hospital a couple of times. Then, after the birth I couldn’t walk well, because of the femoral hernia that was so painful. Then, the surgery to fix that ended up changing my life forever. As a wife and mother, I carried enormous guilt over things that I had no control over, because of my perceived failure in my roles.

I have been proven wrong, yet again. My kids learned how to fix their own breakfast (they already knew but would still wait for someone else to do it), get themselves dressed, read to each other, entertain and play with the baby- all sorts of things! Today, I was the recipient of the funniest note EVER from a teacher. My three-year old in a Mother’s Morning Out program, got himself dressed today. His teacher sent me this:

commando

This is #ElitheWildman, as I refer to him around here, and on instagram:)  His wonderful teacher with a wry sense of humor is behind him.

eli jinda

When your kids learn to be more self-sufficient, sometimes you end up with notes about their bare bottoms surprising their preschool class. Other times, they can shock you with maturity and wisdom beyond their years.

A few months ago, my husband had been on call all weekend. That means he worked nonstop for a few days, and got very little sleep. He is the one who gets up really early and makes sure our daughter gets to the bus on time. Come Monday morning, his alarm didn’t go off and he slept late. I am no help in the mornings, usually. It’s a very difficult time of day for me. James went hustling into the kitchen, searching for our daughter- worried about having to take her to school, get the boys dressed and ready- you know, all of that stress that comes with oversleeping an alarm! Our oldest son was calmly doing his homeschool lessons. He said, “Hey Daddy! Don’t worry, I got Rose up, made her breakfast, and walked her to the busstop on time. Then I came back, made the boys’ breakfast and started my lessons.”

aidan and rose

 This is my oldest, Aidan, and Rose, who has flourished at a new school this year.

     Gulp. I had to swallow a lump in my throat when James told me that later. My eyes may have stung a bit as well. I wish that I was more present, more capable, but then we would have deprived them of the chance to shine in ways I never could have foreseen. God knew, in His infinite wisdom, what they needed. I would not have chosen to step away, and let them fend for themselves quite so much! However, given the opportunity, they have learned how to “swim”! Underwear are occasionally forgotten in the shuffle of course… Hope they haven’t flashed too many people! Lol.

 

5 thoughts on “Sink or swim

  1. Natalia

    Omg I cried my 3 boys the youngest 5 yo and oldest just turned 16 yo they all have the routine down . I can cook on my good days and do dishes . But there is some days when I cannot . They do all the mopping , toilets , laundry and yard work . I’m blessed they are the best . I was the mom who did it all and then I was the one who didn’t . It’s been a long 29 months I have a good pelvic Specialist Dr. Hibner .

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    1. I’m so sorry Natalia! May I ask, how yours began? Stay strong, I know the bad days get us down. On the good days, try not to worry about the future-make the most of the good days, and love in the moment. I found that thinking long term doesn’t help. We don’t know the future, and it will help us today if we stay hopeful. Medicine is evolving and new things are being discovered every day. Take care and reach out any time!

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      1. Natalie

        I had a robotic hysterectomy aug 2015 . My Dr was not experienced had only done 10 . I had a vaginal cuff dehiscence, Sepsis , I had 2 surgeries in 2 weeks to save my life . I was not warned about damage to bladder or pelvis , or hollow organ damage . I spent 15 days in hospital sent home on a pic line . I suffered in pain from the moment I woke up from original surgery . Then came home in agonizing pain constant infections pain all the time . Six months later I had 2 incisions hernias repair . I was still in a lot of pain I get hot and cold sensations in pelvis it hurts my rdctum hurts my gluteus . A year ago I had a surgery to redo my vaginal cuff , adhesion removed from rectum ,Colon, small bowel , urethra . It helped some area but not all but now the pain of having bm is back feels like having a baby . I urinate about 20x a day it’s painful the bladder spasm are not fun either sometime I can only get from my bed to bathroom . A couple months the spasm were bad for 10 days . The Botox helped the bladder spasms become lesss but October and November I had Botox and pudendal back to back no relief . I saw Dr hibner a week after my procedure I was in tears it hurt nothing help he could the muscle or tissue spaasming so weird I though he brought in his fellow to see . Another procedure was ordered . They helped in June for a couple of weeks but no relief . The pain in the rectum , gluteus , pelvis , bladder has became worse . My right side of Vulva is the worst that side feels like fire ,aching ,and cold there’s pulsating . Today is a painful day I ran an errand with my son who is doing college credits while in high school . Didn’t take more than 20 minutes but I’m annoyed and in pain . Amy are you able to text with me 6023807133? I have so many questions. My friend sent me you’re blog I’m so thankful . Everything you have blogged about I have felt . Thank you

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      2. Sounds like you have seen some experts. The medical questions should be directed their way for sure. I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. Hang in there!

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